


You Know I Never Make A Fuss!

by Vanessa_Cocotea



Category: Beauty and the Beast (1991), Keeping Up Appearances
Genre: Crossover, Fluff and Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-27 14:55:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2697110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanessa_Cocotea/pseuds/Vanessa_Cocotea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Way back - from about 2002 or 2003:</p><p>Hyacinth gets flustered at one of her own Candlelight Suppers...</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Know I Never Make A Fuss!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very rare departure from my preferred category. I was looking through some of my very early Eight stuff and I ran across this one - done for my son's Valentine's Day long ago. I read it for the first time in ages and decided it was too funny NOT to post!

Hyacinth Bucket(pronounced "Bouquet"! Thank you very much!) had just off-loaded yet another bundle of purchases to her hapless husband, Richard. This would be her best Valentine candlelight supper to date. As Richard staggered off to their car, juggling the awkward parcels, she noticed a very beautiful-but somewhat overdressed-she was wearing a ballgown, for heaven's sake!-young woman gazing into Debenham's windows. She had a very elegant poised demeanor. Hyacinth, ever on the look-out for suitable new guests for her candlelight suppers-she was always losing them, though for the life of her, she couldn't think why-possibly they weren't used to her exemplary cooking skills-poor souls!-approached the young lady-taking note of the large brown eyes, the brown hair-done up so elaborately, the yellow gown-that gave the young lady's skin such a glow. Oh yes! She would make a perfect guest for her supper. Bring some REAL class to it! Hyacinth immediately set about to invite her.

"Hello there! You're not from around here, are you?" Hyacinth smiled. Richard, seeing her, groaned and put a tired face into a tired hand. She was at it again. Hyacinth would invite all and sundry-as long as they were of the proper social requirements-of course-to her interminable candlelight suppers. Poor young woman-she was doomed to be the next victim. Richard hoped she'd have the foresight-and sense-for her own sanity-to decline. Alas, no such luck. He immediately felt sorry for her. She didn't know what she was getting herself into. Hyacinth carried on, extending a hand.

"My name is Hyacinth Bucket!" She made it sound as if she was the Queen. But that was just how Hyacinth Bucket thought of herself-on a par with the Royal Family!.

The young lady, whose name was Belle, turned to the rather large and forceful woman next to her, and in a voice like music and with a smile like sunshine, said,'' Hello. No, I'm not from around here. We're just visiting."

"We?"

"Yes-my friend Prince..."

"Prince!" Hyacinth had struck gold! A Prince! Now she HAD to convince this young lady to come and to bring her friend. A Prince! Hyacinth nearly swooned. But like any good hostess, she rallied.

"Well I'd like welcome you-and your friend to our neighbourhood-by the way-where are the two of you from? If I might ask?"

"Thank you. My name's Belle." She then told Hyacinth where she and her friend were from. Hyacinth had never heard of the place.

"I've not heard of it. Perhaps it's in Ireland?"

Belle blinked. ''I'm sorry-Ireland? No, not there. Let's just say-it's a ways away." She smiled.

Hyacinth didn't press the issue. She was too caught up in the thought of having a Prince in HER home-at one of HER candlelight suppers. It was too good to be true! But it wouldn't happen, if she didn't actually INVITE them!

"I say-I'm having my annual Valentine candlelight supper tonight. Would you and the Prince do me the honour of attending?"

Belle considered. Her "Prince" wasn't like the sort of "Prince" Hyacinth could be expecting, she was sure of that! Still-the Beast could use the social interaction. She decided to chance it.

"Yes, we'd love to accept. My friend doesn't get out all that much. He could do with an outing. It's very kind of you. Thank you!"

Hyacinth,pleased as a cat with a saucer of grade A cream, beamed and gave her new guest the exact time and address. She excused herself and walked back to Richard, sitting in the car, and being very impatient to get going. He knew, as soon as he saw her face, that there would be more "lambs to the slaughter". But neither he nor Hyacinth could have guessed who those "lambs" were really going to be.

Hyacinth gazed at yet another perfect table. Not one item was a millimeter out of place. Richard came in, tying his tie. a hideous black monstrosity of flashing cupids and garish hot pink grinning hearts-plural. He grinned at Hyacinth-knowing full well what her reaction would be. He just couldn't resist teasing her. Sure enough, she gave him a pained expression and bemoaned,

"Richard Bucket! Now, where did you get that awful thing? Really, Richard, I despair of you sometimes! I don't think your heart's really in this!"

Truth be told, his heart never was in her abominable "Candlelight Suppers", but he did enjoy informing her, "Onslow lent it to me. He said it was long past time these "Dos", as he calls them, were livened up a bit. Don't you like it? I think it's rather fun." He grinned at her.

"It's a disgrace! Take that revolting thing off and go put on that nice red silk one. I'm going to have words with that brother-in-law of mine! Daisy should really take him in hand one of these days. Though I doubt it would do any good-she's as bad as he is".

As Richard went off to change his tie,all the while thinking, "I've really got to learn to stand up to her!", the bell rang. Hyacinth checked herself in the mirror and went to answer it.

It was Belle and her friend-the Prince. He was in the shadows and Hyacinth couldn't see him properly, but he seemed quite a large gentleman. She opened the door to admit her new guests.

"Hello! Hello! Do come in! I'm so glad you could make it-both of you!" Hyacinth was so excited! At last! A real live Prince in HER home! That should put old "Number Twenty-Three's" nose well out of joint! She soon came close to nearly passing out! Belle came in first. She was wearing a beautiful long old-fashioned cloak. Underneath, Hyacinth could see a beautiful and elegant red velvet gown with a lace panel down the front.

Belle smiled and said, "Thank you Mrs. Bucket." She pronounced it correctly-to Hyacinth's extreme satisfaction. "It was very kind of you to invite us." Then she turned and extended her hand. "And this is my friend." A very large-so large in fact, that he had to stoop to get in the door-gentleman stepped through onto Hyacinth Bucket's grade one Axeminster. That's when Hyacinth Bucket nearly passed out!

It was all she could do to keep her mouth from dropping open! In fact, the only thing that kept it closed, was her annoying social snobbery! She focussed on the fact that he was a Prince, and performed her hostessly duties to perfection. But all the while, she was thinking,"A creature like this would HAVE to be a Prince-to get through MY door!" The man-whatever-was quite literally-a BEAST! He even had horns and large teeth and was covered in fur and Hyacinth didn't wonder that he didn't get out much! What would Richard say? What would her other guests think? Emmett would never let her live this down! AND WHAT WOULD OLD MRS. NUMBER " TWENTY-THREE" THINK? Hyacinth was "socially" terrified!

Belle introduced him,"Mrs. Bucket-this is my friend-Beast." She didn't seem the least bit bothered about Beast's appearance-in fact-she seemed rather proud of it.

Beast, for his part, actually had quite excellent manners-with one exception-as Hyacinth was later to discover. Once one got over the shock of his appearance and the growl that served him for a voice, he seemed quite nice. He took her hand-very gently-to her surprise and to her even greater surprise-kissed it. He growled, "Enchanting. I'm delighted to meet you Madame Bucket! How kind of you to invite me. Thank you!" Beast or not-that did it! Hyacinth was over the moon! She was in her element with a vengeance! She should send this one over to Onslow to teach him some manners! But the thought of this beautiful creature getting anywhere near Onslow was out of the question! Beast didn't deserve that!

She blushed, "I'm delighted to have you! Do go though." As Hyacinth showed them into her lounge, she took in Beast's attire. He was dressed like an 18th century footman. His fur was arranged at the back of his neck to resemble a queue and tied with a black velvet ribbon. It was quite nice really. She heard Richard come in. Now she'd got to the tricky bit!

"How do I look now?" Richard enquired. He knew something was amiss, because Hyacinth barely glanced at him and then, absentmindedly mumbled a quick-"You look fine, dear." She stuttered several times, looking positively stricken. Richard knew something was certainly wrong! Hyacinth-of all people-at a lost for words! In all the years of their marriage-except, possibly, when Daisy married Onslow-had he seen her lost for words!

"What is it? What's wrong?" He asked, genuinely concerned.

"it's about our new guest. The Prince. He's...he's...".

"What? A tramp?"

"No-no nothing like that."

"Then what?"

"He's...he's...oh-come along, Richard! You'd better see for yourself." She led him into the lounge. Richard couldn't possibly imagine what could have Hyacinth in such a state. Then he saw their guest, blinked several times-and collapsed in a dead faint!

Hyacinth dashed over to him. Fortunately, their new guests hadn't seen Richard's reaction. "Richard! Please! You must wake up! This is NOT proper behaviour for someone of gold card status! Richard!" She tried shaking him. Gradually, he came to, muttering,"He's...he's...a BEAST!" He stared in disbelief.

"Now-now, we mustn't judge by appearances." Richard took another look and fainted again-just as Elizabeth and Emmett arrived. Hyacinth had to go through the whole process again!

She gave them a quick hello, looking decidedly distraught. They looked at each other, wondering what was going on. Hyacinth in a dither-not absolutely unheard of-but this particular dither found her unusually flustered. She kept them in the entry while she stuttered her way through an explanation, that left Elizabeth and Emmett thoroughly confused!

"Oh! Come along! You'd better meet them-and then you'll see my dilemma." She literally shoved them into the lounge. Firstly, Emmett spied Belle.

"Lovely view! And I don't mean outside the window!" Emmett gasped at the sight of Belle.

Elizabeth harrumphed. "Emmett! Behave yourself! You're old enough to be her father! Put her DOWN!"

"Ah Liz-you're a real spoilsport,you are. I..." He caught sight of Beast and gulped. He jogged Elizabeth's elbow.

"Emmett-what is..." Then she saw who he was pointing at-and stifled a scream.

"There you see?" Hyacinth gestured helplessly at them. "What am I to do? Richard fainted twice! They didn't see, but if my guests do the same thing-my beautiful candlelight supper will be ruined!" She was almost in tears.

Elizabeth tried to calm her down, still feeling none too calm herself. "Now, Hyacinth, you're a Hostess-with the highest social standard-of the First Water! You know better than anyone how to handle this. Relax!" She gave Hyacinth a little push. "Now-go-sic 'em! Remember he's a PRINCE!"

That did it! Hyacinth squared her shoulders, walked into her lounge, and thinking only that she had a Prince and his Lady to entertain, performed her social duties to her usual perfect standard. 

The evening went surprisingly smoothly. Most of her other guests were used to being stunned on these occasions, and though, for once, Hyacinth wasn't the cause, they proved to be no more stunned than usual. Belle was the expected "Charmer", but Beast had an engaging charm-all his own. Though Hyacinth did discover the one "chink in his armour". It nearly upset the whole evening! Beast's social skills hadn't as yet extended to his table manners. In all innocence, he picked up his soup bowl and calmly slurped his way through it's contents, scattering droplets all over the clean white linen tablecloth. Belle tried to stifle a laugh, and barely succeeded. But when Beast grabbed the whole leg of lamb and was about to bite into it, she gave him the slightest of headshakes. He mercifully replaced it,and when Hyacinth, in stunned silence, served him a thick slice, he politely said, "Thank You, Madame Bucket." Unfortunately, he then growled his way through it, making contented moaning noises. Hyacinth's bemused guests simply gave up and plowed their way through their own meals! After all, they knew a guest must never be made to feel awkward or uncomfortable. The table was a mess! Dessert had been Trifle-bits of cake and fruit and cream and sherry wine were everywhere! Some had even got on the overhanging chandelier! The centerpiece was more trifle than flowers! Hyacinth was aghast! Her beautiful table looked like a bombsight!

But as Richard later told her, after goodbyes were said and only Elizabeth, Emmett, Richard and herself remained,"At least everyone had fun." She had to agree, though she had learnt a lesson about the dangers of inviting all and sundry to her evenings! It would take her hours to clear away the mess. She calmly walked to the kitchen to fetch the necessary cleaning supplies, and returned to the Dining room to find three faces grinning at her-she hadn't said a word after her other guests had left.

Now she just looked at those three faces and said,"You know I never make a fuss!"

The End


End file.
